Radiotelecomando

It’s been a very successful weekend.

In the space of two days, I have managed to short-circuit, damage and maim at least 3 major life-support systems that assist me with my day-to-day.

Firstly, my computer has suffered a fairly chronic stroke. I have always had a love-hate relationship with my PC. For example, I write 10 pages of script and press “SAVE”, to which it usually responds “AFFIRMATIVE. No, Wait! I have a better idea – DELETE AND SHUTDOWN!”

Another annoying habit is that I will be innocently surfing the net for research purposes (NOT looking at www.sexyhotfirefighters.com) when that infuriatingly smug little grey box appears on my screen with “WARNING! Corrupt Mail File Alert! Corrupt Mail File Alert!”

What was Karl Rove doing with my files anyway?

Anyway, this time the issue seems to be a little more dire. Whilst catching up with a little cyber correspondence, my system just decided to pack up and go home altogether.

Over the last couple of days, I have been trying to communicate with some very intellectual friends online, when the following scenario occurs:

Sexyhotfirefighter: So, What do YOU think about the current global warning situation?   Kylie: Well, after looking at the facts, I tend to think that… lkjggtt%%3gfjjll;;:):):0….????   SHFF: Um…didn’t quite get that…   Kylie: Oh no, what I MEANT was, jjh-htrrfseeeexx2111!!!

Sexyhotfirefighter: So, What do YOU think about the current global warning situation?

 

Kylie: Well, after looking at the facts, I tend to think that… lkjggtt%%3gfjjll;;:):):0….????

 

SHFF: Um…didn’t quite get that…

 

Kylie: Oh no, what I MEANT was, jjh-htrrfseeeexx2111!!!

Most frustrating.

I have plugged, replugged, booted, rebooted and booted again (this time, right off the desk and onto the floor), but to no avail.

The last time I logged on, sirens sounded, the SAS descended from helicopters, and I received the following message on screen:

“FAILURE! FAILURE! CRITICAL DEVICE UNABLE TO LOAD….ABORT! ABORT! I’M A LITTLE TEAPOT!! I’M A LITTLE TEAPOT!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!”.

So, the prognosis is not looking that good.

I think that this time, I will need to call the “little man” to come around and try and alleviate the situation.

I have many “little men” on my speed-dial. This is mainly due to the fact, that neither I, nor the man of the manor, can successfully hammer a nail into the wall without causing ourselves, or each other, grievous bodily harm. The last time I attempted to change a light-bulb, the end result was a sudden, and most unwanted Afro hairdo.

Don’t get me wrong, I have tried to educate myself in all things pertaining to home maintenance. I have “Unclogging S -Bends For Dunnies” and “Martha Stewart: Everything You Need to Know about Holiday Decorating and Being Stupendously Pretentious” on my bookshelf.

However, when it comes to anything more technical than finding the TV remotes, I am sadly, a hopeless case.

So, with my computer out of action, I decided this morning, that perhaps a leisurely drive down to Currumbin might sooth the frustrated soul.

I threw on my Sunday best – read: T-shirt and shorts- and leapt into my fabulous Ford Festie with my Ipod in one hand, Andrew Bolt’s Sunday Column in the other (To wipe down the car seat, of course), and turned the ignition key.

Nothing.

Not a peep.

I look forward to the day that I can charge my charge my car’s battery, in the same way I charge my mobile, because this baby is not going anywhere.

Perhaps if I had had the foresight to switch my lights..and the radio off…….on Friday night.

Hmmmm…

Well, on the bright side, my fellow Gold Coasters are probably a little relieved that I am temporarily grounded.

For those who know me a little better, I have not had my driver’s licence that long.

A late bloomer, in the motoring department, I only got my driver’s licence 11 months ago. I have tried on several occasions over the years to pass my test, but there are a few driving instructors, who are currently still in therapy, that would happily attest to my inability to recognize left from right, or orange traffic road-cones from wheelchair-bound, pensioner pedestrians.

Practice makes perfect, and I did finally get the little yellow card.

I am still a little disappointed that people still pass up on my offers of rides, in lieu of taking the Bus, or walking….hitching.

I am not a bad driver, it’s just that most of my friends and family have a little trouble forgetting a very minor incident 4 months ago when I ran into a ten speed bike….in the next yard….in reverse…..with it’s owner still riding it.

So with no car, and a schizophrenic computer, there is only one other option open to me:

Breaking out the blender for some serious Margaritas.

Areeba, Areeba, Areeeeeba!!!!!!!!

***********************************************************************

That was an hour ago.

I am sitting here drinking a tepid Victoria Bitter…because, you guessed it, -the Blender has gone to that “Margaritaville” in the Sky. Giddy-Up!

I have called the “little man” from RACQ, who will hopefully revive my car’s battery this afternoon, and all things being equal, my “little man” from “PC Fixit” will be here tomorrow to try and perform CPR on my CPU.

I will let you know about the outcome. Forgive me in the meantime, if I am talking to you, and then suddenly drop off the face of the Earth.

Have a great Sunday, and don’t forget j876reds321louijhgfd……..